Aww.... poopers.

I totally admit... I like winning. And, I'm getting cranky. I haven't yet been elected Leader of the Free World and Coach Bellichick of the New England Patriots hasn't sought out my sagacious advice. But I'll help him out anyway for the small compensation of a box seat at the Patriots home games next season. (Please, not this season.)

See... the Patriots are flying from San Diego back to New England. This is what they should do. At the airport there will be a lot of confusion... bags and what not. I'm sure the New England Patriots have more than a few large duffle bags full vital equipment... like the cloudy contact lenses Cassell (QB) wears so he won't see open receivers, the "drop easy" oil used on receivers' gloves on the off chance a ball is thrown their way, and a few pair of double left running shoes just in case things actually start moving or they find themselves on the 1 yard line with 4 downs to not convert in.

So somebody... Rodney Harrison might be the guy to do it... says to Cassell (after he's dumped out all the double left running shoes which wasn't too fair as Morris is fantastic and the "drop easy" oil can stay as the Pats receiving corp is still great even with that challenge)... Harrison says "hey buddy." And after the stunned silence lasting 5 minutes during which Cassell's cloudy contact lenses adhere slightly to his wide eyes and he realizes Harrison hasn't wedged a football down his throat, Harrison tells him how Brady thinks a lot about stuff. Harrison tells Cassell that if he wants to morph into a Super Bowl MVP he should climb into this small dark space... that that will help him think and Cassell will emerge truly Brady-esque complete with cleft chin and modeling contract. And Cassell climbs in quickly partially due to his cloudy contact lenses and wanting to get out of Bellichick and Harrison's sight and an enhanced desire to do anything that would help.

Harrison should then quickly switch tags on the now full duffle bag for a piece of luggage going to Timbucktoo. Nah. Send him to the Jets. Farve will either not notice Cassell lurking in his locker or might even offer him a beer. Or the Caribbean. Cassell seems like an okay guy but I'll leave his destination up to Harrison with the request to please be nice.

Brilliant, huh? I'll even wear a funny hat in my box seat next season.

One and Done

I have decided. To cure all the world's ills elect me... leader of the Free World. *At least I don't slaughter animals from a helicopter!* And I will promise you that, besides solving all the worlds crisises... including competently eradicate world hunger, unemployment, housing foreclosures, wall street greed and the skulduggery of lawyerly and banking 3 piece suits. I am totally committed to making illegal 3 piece suits.

There is another thing I will promise from the depths of my frustrated heart.... That a team that showed such promise... *music here... violins and a young girl voicing hope in soaring notes and endless intervals...* Despite the hero down *violas... cellos... a bass drum roll...* Besides promising clear skies independent energy low mortgages reasonable wages AND anyone that wants a Hummer will be forced to drive one as fuel cost climb past six bucks a gallon... *Because no, I won't pay for bullshit...* But what I totally promise is....

Quarterback Matt Cassel won't get another start. For the New England Patriots, that is. Send him to San Diego. Tell them he's a running back of great potential. (hehehehe.) Or better yet, send him to the Jets... tell them he is a fantastic linebacker. (hehehehe....)

I don't usually do this? But events have driven me to it. I must speak out. In the interests of a peaceful Sunday brew. And it is on such small moments a greater peace is forged. In the interests of human kind find a better solution. Figure it out, NE Patriots, and win. Or man will I be cranky.