Monday, October 13, 2008

Aww.... poopers.

I totally admit... I like winning. And, I'm getting cranky. I haven't yet been elected Leader of the Free World and Coach Bellichick of the New England Patriots hasn't sought out my sagacious advice. But I'll help him out anyway for the small compensation of a box seat at the Patriots home games next season. (Please, not this season.)

See... the Patriots are flying from San Diego back to New England. This is what they should do. At the airport there will be a lot of confusion... bags and what not. I'm sure the New England Patriots have more than a few large duffle bags full vital equipment... like the cloudy contact lenses Cassell (QB) wears so he won't see open receivers, the "drop easy" oil used on receivers' gloves on the off chance a ball is thrown their way, and a few pair of double left running shoes just in case things actually start moving or they find themselves on the 1 yard line with 4 downs to not convert in.

So somebody... Rodney Harrison might be the guy to do it... says to Cassell (after he's dumped out all the double left running shoes which wasn't too fair as Morris is fantastic and the "drop easy" oil can stay as the Pats receiving corp is still great even with that challenge)... Harrison says "hey buddy." And after the stunned silence lasting 5 minutes during which Cassell's cloudy contact lenses adhere slightly to his wide eyes and he realizes Harrison hasn't wedged a football down his throat, Harrison tells him how Brady thinks a lot about stuff. Harrison tells Cassell that if he wants to morph into a Super Bowl MVP he should climb into this small dark space... that that will help him think and Cassell will emerge truly Brady-esque complete with cleft chin and modeling contract. And Cassell climbs in quickly partially due to his cloudy contact lenses and wanting to get out of Bellichick and Harrison's sight and an enhanced desire to do anything that would help.

Harrison should then quickly switch tags on the now full duffle bag for a piece of luggage going to Timbucktoo. Nah. Send him to the Jets. Farve will either not notice Cassell lurking in his locker or might even offer him a beer. Or the Caribbean. Cassell seems like an okay guy but I'll leave his destination up to Harrison with the request to please be nice.

Brilliant, huh? I'll even wear a funny hat in my box seat next season.

6 comments:

Jenn said...

or they find themselves on the 1 yard line with 4 downs to not convert in

I actually shed just one glistening tear at that moment, a field goal is highly underrated apparently. The Sox are not making me much happier right now either. Sigh. Is it even worth becoming a Bruins fan though?

Chris Stone said...

That was a rather stunning moment. Its hard for me to tell what's happening at the line... but whatever is happening it ain't good. Nobody is in sync on the offense.

whimsicalpam said...

Whew! I need a nap after that post:)
I'm very impressed!!
...Sports Illustrated is awaiting your resume:)

Rosebud Collection said...

Oh dear, I am on the wrong blog..being a Jets/Yankee fan..Just teasing, like I do my grandsons..I don't even know what the heck any of them are doing..

kim* said...

this is about baseball right? lol :)

Suldog said...

I'm counting on the Pats to bring a whole bunch of joy to despondent Red Sox fans tonight...