Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Apply for a Job

I'd love to apply for this job!
I need a job that only drives me crazy in small amounts, and being aa etsy forum moderator would be a perfect fit! Most posters are boring!

Qualifications:
I have no life. I am on Etsy whenever I'm not gainfully employed, which means quite a bit. I do not think I am quick to anger, and while I do consider some people nutty I realize that is totally within their rights and within the mainstream of humanity. I am comfortable judging people, though, and the mute button while used sparingly would be done with definite flair. It is not when someone is insulting or derogatory that is the worst, its when they are totally unamusing while being insulting or derogatory,

I am not certain I could come up with quotable closures, but maybe Shel Silverstein could help me out. I have his book "A Light in the Attic" on hand, and for weekends I think it would be sufficient. "The saddest thing I ever did see/ Was a woodpecker pecking' at a plastic tree./ He looks at me, and 'Friend,' says he,/ 'Things ain't as sweet as they used to be.'"

While that may or may not be appropriate to the snit of the moment, I do feel the imagery to be solid enough to have a global (mild) wtf moment. And Etsy is a world wide site.

Education:
This is tough. I do have a degree. It has been a dust collector at times, and an art enabler at other times! I also have a certificate in jewelry making and repair which is pretty useless and I am quite proud of.

Work Experience:
Cutting logs was the most memorable. Probably because it was the most odd. I was a kid and had no clue how ridiculous I was being. I then loaded the logs in a wheelbarrow and carted them 1/2 a block down a hill. Payment was much less a consideration than finally finishing.

One job I did not take was a yacht job in the South Pacific.

References:
My two cats. Their names are Ms Chubbs, and Ms Bird. That's all the references I need for a moderator job.

Associations:
My cats (as already listed) and my 1992 Toyota pickup. I'm heavily associated with my pickup. No one else drives it.

Achievements:
My biggest achievement is I am not incredibly obese, *yet.* This has always astounded me. There are individuals within my family that have battled weight gain. And despite my love for chocolate, frozen yogurt, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cake pastries pasta cheese and french fries... I can tie my shoes without breathing hard. I can also still ride a bike, though it is now a recumbant with shock absorbers.

Other:
Here I'll link my self portrait, as I think it best depicts my inherent grace... http://stoneycharms.blogspot.com/2008/07/self-portrait-thursday.html

Contact:
After purchasing an item from my StoneyCharms etsy store, include job offer in comments. ;)

8 comments:

jiorji said...

HAHAHAh i love your references. Why are all etsy people cat people? lol
well most are..crazy cat ladies who stay home and craft all day. *raises hand* GUILTY!!! lol

Jenn said...

OMG Chris, this is perfect. As far as I'm concerned you should apply and send them this exactly, its Etsy and they would definitely get it! If you do apply good luck, you'll have to let me know, I might even come back to the forums for more than posting my blog link every now and then lol Ms Chubbs will be so proud...

Chris Stone said...

lol. well. *I did send this in.* lol. so far they haven't bought anything! I should've recommended to them the Lucky Lips pendant. ;)

Suldog said...

Ah, yes, I remember your wonderful self-portrait. One of my all-time favorites in the genre!

Almost Precious said...

Chris this is just too funny. I recall seeing that etsy "want ad" in the forums...damn, I spend way too much time in that place! Wouldn't be so bad if it would garner me a sale every once in awhile.
However I'd be surprised if etsy hired you for the position, in my viewpoint your references are impeccable but you're way over qualified.

Chris Stone said...

"your references are impeccable but you're way over qualified."

lol. that's funny!

Gallery Juana said...

You should definitely have your own column in a newspaper!

Good luck on the results.

The world needs more cat people.

Curtis Collectables :) said...

Ok, I'll admit it I'm not a cat lady. I have a bulldog. Haha. But I will vote for you.

Your resume made me LOL :)